Hades: Greetings, scholars of the supernatural and heralds of heroes. You’ve traversed the meandering corridors of your imagination and found yourself at the hearth of “Fireside Folklore with Hades”. This is the podcast where we visit the furthest reaches of the earth to uncover the untold tales from cultures unknown, unseen, and/or forgotten. I am your undaunted host, Hades, the keeper of the afterlife and witness to humanity’s hatred and heroism. I am joined by my nephew, Dionysus, the deity of unbridled expression, theater, and wine, while my beautiful wife Persephone graces the Upperworld with her presence. Also joining us is Hermes, the herald of Olympus and our valued psychopomp. What’s that, you ask? Well, my friends, Hermes is the guide who helps us tease out the truths about the countries we visit, and provides us with trivia to entertain the cocktail party crowd. 

Listeners, I know that I have been silent of late, and this episode has taken an agonizingly long time for me to produce. as your world’s conflict in the Middle East has continued, I, as the Lord of the Underworld, have had an influx of souls entering this realm—a land that should have seen fewer souls coming before their time. I had hoped that medical advancements, more efficient food production, and a greater understanding of the world would be enough to stem the tide of death and destruction, however, there have been no advancements to truly deal with things like greed, ambition, and anger, and that, my friends, is what is plaguing your world now, and what will always plague your world because these feelings are what fuel both innovation and destruction. Not to have ambition, righteous anger, and a desire for something more are what keep your world from turning into Camazotz—a world that punishes creativity and individuality. Yet these same forces for good can also lead to untold carnage and sorrow.

I admit that even the divine must wrangle with their demons. You see, when I was at my darkest point, after a seemingly unending stream of children were guided across the Styx, I contemplated doing what Zeus did all those millennia ago. Yes, my friends. I, Hades, one not known for moments of wrath, contemplated wiping the slate clean so that the world could repopulate itself with animals that once roamed in abundance like Javan rhinos, Amir leopards, Sumatran orangutans, and Vaquitas, marine mammals so critically endangered that less than ten now reside in the Gulf of California.

What stayed my hand, then? It was not mercy nor love, but rather, the realization that if I wiped the slate clean of all life out of wrath, regardless of how righteous, I would become no better than the world leaders I claim to despise. I would become just as blind, ruthless, and dehumanizing, which is an anathema to everything I stand for. And so, my friends, I decided to throw myself into my work by renovating Elysium, weeding the meadows of Asphodel, and ensuring that special measures were implemented in Tartarus for the exceptional individuals who will soon end up calling it their permanent home. As I worked, my anger hardened into resolve—a resolve tempered by hope, and the realization that during these grim times, it’s more important than ever to keep the flame of faith in humanity’s ability to learn and to love alive.

Today, therefore, I shall share my pride and growing respect for the thousands of college students and the professors who stand by them protesting for Palestine’s freedom, for the United States’ divestment from Israel, and a permanent ceasefire. To the students fighting for the heart of humanity, I offer my support and favor. Though the ruling class may seek to silence your voices and co-opt your movement for their political ambitions, know that the flame of your spirit cannot be quashed, and no amount of propaganda can cover up the atrocities you are seeking to stop. Indeed, we have seen some signs of your protests working, including the divestment from companies supplying weapons to Israel by MIT and San Francisco State University, among others. Remember, my friends, that when the voices of those who oppose you grow louder, and their policies to silence you become more draconian, you know you’re on the right track, for if they had nothing to fear, nothing to lose, and nothing to hide, they would have no reason to try and rob you of your right to speak truth to power.

This week, we travel to Palestine once more to hear the tale of “The Golden Pail”, which is much like “Half of a Halfling” in that the son of the second wife prevails, but unlike in that tale, this youth is a bit more—shall we say—disobedient.

Gather close and let the firelight rekindle our weary spirits so that we may continue to speak truth and challenge oppression in our own ways. Friends, let the story-telling begin. 

Dionysus: Hello one and all. It’s great to be here with you to enjoy another story from the annals of Palestinian folklore. This one will be fun because it will require all of us to jump in and don our costumes! 

Hades: Ah yes, the god of theater gets to have his moment in the spotlight as our antagonist! Now Zeus, what gullible company has decided to sponsor us this time? 

Zeus: Unveiling the Wonderous Word-Weaver Pail from the whimsical minds at Olympus Innovations!

Have you ever wished you could change the channel on your anger, transforming those heated moments into rib-tickling comedy? Your wish is now granted! The Word-Weaver Pail is more than a container; it's your personal language magician.

Made with enchanted birch bark from the magical groves of Olympus and vines kissed by Hera herself, the Word- Weaver Pail takes your heated expletives and remolds them into cheeky counsel and witty witticisms.

Simply vent your frustration into the pail, and voilà! Out springs your personal imp advisor, Sassy Solon, ready to offer a humorous perspective or a sage piece of advice. With extensive training in comedic timing from the court jester of Dionysus, Solon is sure to have you chuckling in no time.

Sassy Solon isn't just an imp; he's a catalyst for change. By transforming your swear words into laughter, the Word-Weaver Pail turns anger management into a joyride. No filters, no judgments, just laughter lighting up the murky corners of your bad mood.

Grab your Word-Weaver Pail from Olympus Innovations today and turn those curse words into chuckles. Remember, when the words get rough, get Sassy!

Disclaimer: Olympus Innovations is not responsible for any outbreak of uncontrollable laughter, sudden fondness for impish wisdom, or side effects such as laughter lines, snorting chuckles, and random guffaws. Not suitable for those with a predisposition to chronic seriousness. Please handle Sassy Solon with care; excessive heckling may provoke delightfully sarcastic comebacks. Mispronunciations, gibberish and incoherent rambling may result in surprisingly profound life advice. Always remember to put the lid back on the pail to keep the magic fresh.

Hades: Oh my! The sponsorships are getting even wilder the longer we air this podcast. Now, before we begin our episode this evening, I want to let you know that I’ve decided to change our format. You see, when I adapted the story of The Golden Pail, I had fun with it by creating dialogue to make my family shine, and it ballooned to the size of what this entire podcast used to be. That’s why I’ve made the executive decision to let the story stand as the headliner, if you will. With regards to Zeus’s Lightning Round, …

Zeus: Don’t tell me you’re cutting it, brother! 

Hades: Ha, not a chance! Do you realize how much flak I would receive if I did? No, we’ll be asking questions from past episodes not already featured so the audience can have a fairer shot at this. 

Furthermore, we’ve decided that going forward, though we’ll be naming a prize, such as a gold-plated Cerberus paperweight, we’ll actually be providing you the value of the item via Giftly. This means that you will be able to redeem the value of the item using PayPal, have the funds deposited into a checking account, or  get the item of the gift on a VISA gift card, depending on where you reside. We hope that this will enable any of our listeners, including the international ones, to participate and enjoy it equally. 

Without further ado, take it away, Zeus!

Zeus: You heard my brother, listeners. For those of you who don’t know about the Lightning Round, here’s how it works. I will ask you questions about the episode, (the one in which we sat around a campfire and made s’mores, in this case), and the first person to reach out with the correct answers will win a S’more kit from S’moreology! To participate, reach out to me at Zeus@firesidefolklorewithhades.com with your answers, and if you’d like your win acknowledged on a future episode, please include your name or pseudonym, and where you’re listening from. Are you ready? Let’s go!

1.    Other than the s’more being featured in a newspaper in 1925, what else happened on September 9, according to Hades? 

2.    Who created a s’more which required the use of a blowtorch?

3.    Which deities created s’mores which were a bit boozy?

4.    Whose s’more did Hades compliment by saying, “A slice of apple pie? Classic comfort and my favorite thing to enjoy on Thanksgiving.”? 

5.    Whose s’more required Stroopwafels they brought back from the Netherlands?

Hades: Now that’s quite the list of questions! Hopefully you were all paying attention while concocting your sweet campfire treats! Now Dionysus, what beverage will our audience be sipping while they listen to our story tonight? 

Dionysus: Tonight, I thought we’d make some Apricot and Almond Spritzers! Why did I choose this to represent Palestine? Well listeners, almonds and apricots are prominent in Middle Eastern cuisine, and I wanted to pay homage to the bounty of this region with this drink. Let’s get to mixing! 

Here’s what you’ll need:

• A bit of apricot juice
• A splash of almond syrup (yeah, Orgeat if you're feeling a touch upscale)
• A good squeeze of lemon juice
• Some club soda
• Ice
• Fresh apricot slices and a few mint leaves for that extra zing

Let’s make some magic:

1. Start by grabbing a shaker and tossing in a handful of ice.
2. Pour in enough apricot juice to fill a small glass – just eye it, you’ve got this!
3. Now, add that splash of almond syrup. Don’t be shy, pour with passion!
4. Squeeze in that lemon juice. It’s all about finding that perfect sweet and sour balance.
5. Shake it all up until it’s as cold as Mount Olympus in winter.
6. Grab your favorite glass, pile it high with ice, and strain your concoction into it.
7. Top it off with a splash of club soda and stir it gently, like you’re swirling the stars in the night sky.
8. Garnish with those apricot slices and a sprig of mint – make it look as good as it tastes.

And hey, if you're in the mood to turn this into a little celebration, just add a shot of your preferred spirit. Vodka, rum, or gin—any will do just fine. Remember to enjoy it with the joy of a bacchanal!

Hades: Ah, how refreshing! Nothing like a nice cool drink to settle in with for such a rousing tale. Now Hermes, what fascinating fact can you share about Palestine? 

Hermes: Uncle, I’m not one to rock the boat, but while doing research for this episode, I came across several statements I found quite incendiary and I wanted to set the record straight. These were passed off as “fun facts”. The first was that Palestine wasn’t recognized by all of the world, the most notable of the countries being the United States and the United Kingdom. The second indignation? Palestine exists almost solely at the charity of other states!

Palestine’s existence does not hinge upon the United States’s or United Kingdom’s willingness to recognize it. 

No country’s existence should hinge upon another’s willingness to recognize it. We all deserve a seat at the table, and every culture, every group of people, has something to contribute to our world. 

Hades: Wow Hermes! That was unexpected. Now        let us all rise as we hear the national anthem of Palestine, Fida’I once more. 

[National anthem plays.] 

Hades: Now then, let us begin our tale. Tonight, we will be joined by a great many goddesses and gods. Firstly, we’ll have Aphrodite acting as the first wife, Hera as the second, Poseidon as the first king, Ares as the second, Apollo as the first son, Heracles as the second son, Hephaestus as the third, Chronos as the Djinn horse, Artemis as the vizier to the first king, Dionysus as the vizier to the second, Demeter as the princess, and … have we got everyone? No no, we’ll need Hestia as the golden bird, Athena as the queen of the fish, and Pythias (you remember him), as the princess’s cook. Now, let us, as a family, begin our tale!

Many many centuries ago, there lived a king by the name of Samir. He had two wives. The first he loved with all his heart and he gave her many gifts, showed her every affection, and granted any wish she made, regardless of how wild it was. The second wife, on the other hand, was often belittled, and one had to wonder why he had ever married her at all. The first wife gave birth to two sons, Abdul and Mohammed, and the second wife gave birth to one by the name of Hassan. When they had grown into manhood, the first wife advised her eldest son thus: 

Aphrodite: Now, my son, I want you to go to your father and when he asks you what you desire, you must tell him that you’d like him to give you his kingdom, but not after he dies. No, ask for it while he still lives. 

Hades: And, with the blind obedience of a young man who was given everything he could ever want without so much as his having to lift a finger, he dutifully went to speak with his father.

Now, his father was busy speaking with his vizier, but when he saw that it was his first son, Abdul, borne of his first wife, he smiled and asked, 

Poseidon: What would you like, my son? How may I make you smile today? 

Apollo: I would like your kingdom, not after you have passed on, but now while you still live. 

Hades: The king laughed and gave his son an affectionate slap on the back. 

Poseidon: My son, once you have worked as hard as I have, and have endured the trials I did, then come back and we’ll talk. 

Hades: Needless to say, as soon as the first son arrived at home, his mother asked, 

Aphrodite: What did your father say, my son? 

Apollo: He said I would need to work as hard as he has and endure the trials that he has before he would even consider it. 

Aphrodite: I see. 

Hades: Thinking the king preferred their second son better, she called for him shortly thereafter. 

Aphrodite: Now I want you to approach your father and tell him to give you his kingdom, not after his demise but now so that you might rule it. 

 Hades: Once more, while the king was in a council meeting discussing some matter or other, there was a disturbance. When he saw his second son, he smiled and asked: 

Poseidon: Ah, my son! Come come, and tell me what it is you desire. How might I make you smile today? 

Heracles: Father, I seek your kingdom, not after your demise but now, while you still live. 

Hades: The father chuckled at his son’s audacity and said, 

Poseidon: My son, I shall give you my kingdom once you have worked as hard as I have and endured the trials that I did. Go seek out your fortune and return to me having accomplished feats that would make me proud. 

Hades: The first wife let out a sigh once her second son had returned. 

Aphrodite: Ugh, well one of my boys will get that kingdom. Mark my words. 

Hades: Now the second wife had overheard these exchanges and came up with a plan of her own to send her son out to seek his fortune. Knowing that her son, the one who was often tormented or forgotten, was not safe here, she told him: 

Hera: Now, I want you to do as the others have done. When your father is in a meeting with all of his council members, request that he give you his kingdom. 

Hephaestus: Are you joking? Mother, you know that he will kill me for asking such a thing! Unlike my brothers, I do not receive the kindness or consideration that I deserve!

Hera: That is why you must ensure the council members are in session, my son. Ensure that his vizier, Aaliyah, is there. She will be able to calm your father down. 

Hades: His heart filled with dread, the young man let out a deep sigh. 

Hephaestus: Aaah, well Mother, I suppose that I must trust in the mercy of Allah. Very well, I shall go and ask my father for his kingdom. 

Hades: Once he was sure that his father was in a meeting with his advisors, the young lad crept into the room, knees knocking and hands trembling. 

Poseidon: You there! Boy! What do you want? 

Hephaestus: Father, I, like my brothers, wish to have your kingdom, not after your demise but now, while you still live. 

Poseidon: You dare? You dare to ask me such a thing? Why, I ought to have you stoned for such an insolent remark! 

Hades: The young lad tried his best not to scream as his father began unbuckling his belt, fully intending to teach his son a lesson he wouldn’t soon forget. 

Artemis: Come now, your Majesty. There’s no need to make such a fuss! Just tell the boy what you told the others. I’m sure that one of the others will achieve something worthy of your pride before that one does. 

Hades: And perhaps because the vizier didn’t actually believe her own words, or perhaps because she was a secret ally of the king’s second wife, she gave the boy a wink when his Majesty wasn’t looking, giving the young lad some hope that all was not lost. 

Poseidon: You are right. Very well. Work as hard as I have and endure the trials I did, then come back once you have something you can boast about. We shall talk then, but come back without a deed to your name and I shall not be quite so merciful. 

Hades: Happy to have escaped with his life, the young lad ran off back to his mother, hoping that she had some plan. As soon as he arrived, she handed him a knapsack filled with bread, cheese, barley cakes, tea, and dates. 

Hera: Take our horse, Tempest. He is a Djinn, you see, and he will help you to navigate what will likely be a difficult journey. 

Hephaestus: If you say so, Mother. I shall be off before my father changes his mind. Farewell. 

Hades: And with that, he and Tempest began galloping away from their homeland, off to seek out their fortune. About a week after their journey began, the young lad spotted a feather which shone brightly as though it was being lit by some internal flame. 

Hephaestus: That is such a beautiful feather! It’s more exquisite than anything I have ever seen! 

Chronos: That feather will give you trouble, whether you take it or not. 

Hephaestus: Well, if I am to face troubles regardless of my choice, then I must have that feather. A thing of such beauty cannot be left upon the ground. 

Chronos: Very well, but I warn you that your journey will now be perilous indeed, and even with my help, you may not survive. 

Hades: With that, Hassan picked up the feather and the dynamic duo continued on with their journey. They soon came to a large kingdom and checked into a caravansary. That’s a roadside inn found in the Middle East back in the day which offered protection and shelter to travelers journeying along trade routes. These inns, or caravansaries were vital because it was unsafe to sleep out in the open and volunteer oneself to wild bandits and inclement weather. 

It just so happened that the king of the land had decided to see which of his subjects were obedient and which were defiant, so he made a decree that no homes would be lit after such and such a time. He and his vizier went around the city, looking around at the many homes, caravansaries, and huts, noting that none were lit. None that is until they came upon the caravansary housing Hassan and Tempest. 

Ares: What’s this? That room up there on the third floor is lit! Make note of it, Malik, and let us speak with that person in the morning. I will not have anyone defying me. 

Dionysus: Very well. It’s the third window from the left as we walk with the setting sun at our backs. 

Hades: The next morning, the king returned to the caravansary with his vizier to question the occupants of the third room with the third window on the left as they walked east. 

Ares: You there! What’s your name? 

Hephaestus: Hassan, Your Majesty. 

Ares: Then tell me, Hassan … why did you have your light on last night? I made a decree yesterday that no one was to have their light on after the moon rose! My decree was clear and brooked no room for interpretation! So tell me what you thought you’d accomplish with this act of flagrant defiance!

Hephaestus: I didn’t have my light on, Your Majesty. 

Ares: Are you calling me a liar, then? Both my vizier and I saw your room’s window lit up as though it was a sunny day. 

Hephaestus: That is true, Your Majesty, but it was not due to a light. 

Ares: What trickery is this? I should have you thrown in prison for your insolence!

Hephaestus: Please hear me out, Your Majesty! I can explain this if you give me the time. 

Ares: Very well. I’ll give you one minute and not a second more. 

Hephaestus: You see, Your Majesty, the light you saw came from this feather. 

Hades: And with a flourish, young Hassan produced the feather which shone as brightly as ever. 

Ares: And where did you get this feather? 

Hephaestus: I found it on the ground while I was journeying through the forest. 

Hades: Now the king’s vizier was a jealous schemer who thought that this newcomer would soon win the king’s admiration and be promoted to a position of high ranking, so he said, 

Dionysus: Your Royal Highness, such a feather can only come from a magnificent bird. A lad who has such a keen eye and Allah’s blessing should be able to find that bird. Wouldn’t you agree? 

Ares: You are right! Hassan, I’d like you to find the bird whose feather glows so brightly. I’ll give you two days and a third, not a moment more! Fail me and I’ll have your head!

Hades: Naturally, after hearing this, Hassan was terrified and ran back to Tempest, nearly in tears. 

Chronos: Well, it seems you’ve gotten a bee in your bonnet. What is troubling you? 

Hephaestus: It’s terrible! Can you believe this? After seeing the feather, the king has asked that I bring back the bird to whom it belongs, and to top that off, he says I must do it in the span of two days and a third! How will I ever manage that? 

Chronos: Now didn’t I say that that feather would cause you trouble whether you picked it up or left it alone? Tell me I wasn’t wrong! 

Hephaestus: If you want to say ‘I told you so’, go right ahead. 

Chronos: I wouldn’t go that far, but don’t underestimate the power of fate. Now, in order to get out of this pickle, this is what you must do. Tell the king that until the vizier has a golden cage built from silver and gold taken from his own treasury, with different decorative figures on each of the bars, the task will never be done. In fact, tell him that if he doesn’t comply with your request, a plague will descend upon his kingdom so vile and so fast that he won’t stand a chance against the next enemy attack. 

Hades: Of course, the djinn horse, knowing that the vizier had schemed to have Hassan killed, wanted him to pay a stiff price for his attempted crime, and that was why he had been adamant about the money coming from the vizier’s treasury, and the vizier’s alone. Well, no sooner did the young lad give the king his demands and the king said, 

Ares: Well then! Vizier! Yes you! Get over here at once! And don’t you dare make me tell you twice!

Dionysus: Yes? What may I do for you, my liege?  

Ares: If you want to remain employed, you will use silver and gold from your own treasury to build me a golden cage with a different decoration on each of the bars. I am told that that is the only way this magnificent bird will be caught! Since you suggested that I seek out the bird, you will pay for the means of capture!

Hades: What could the vizier do? He had no choice but to gather together most of his own personal treasury and commission the goldsmith to create the cage that the king desired. 

Dionysus: I’ll have someone’s livelihood for this. Mark my words! Stealing from me like this? There will be blood!

Hades: Once the cage was created, Hassan and Tempest began their ride back out into the forest. 

Chronos: Here’s what we must do. When we reach the middle of the forest, we’ll come upon a Ziziphus spina Christi tree. Ensure that this cage is nestled in the branches, up high enough for a bird to feel safe but not so high as to make it impossible for you to quickly close the cage, for you see, once the golden bird from whom that feather comes sees this splendid delight, she will fly into it, determined not to let another creature seize it for their own. 

Hephaestus: Very well, Tempest. I hope you know what you’re doing because my very life rests upon our success in bringing this bird back to the king. Oh, why did my mother send me out in this way? If I had not but accepted my lot then … 

Chronos: Hush! We’ll get through this together, lad, and when we do, you’ll never fear your father or his wrath again. 

Hades: Hassan did as Tempest requested and once he came to the famed Ziziphus spina Christi tree, he placed the golden cage as high as standing in the stirrups would allow. 

Chronos: Quickly now! We must hide as the golden bird’s arrival is imminent!

Hades: No sooner had Hassan and Tempest hidden then the golden bird appeared, preening her feathers and singing a merry little song. 

Hestia: [Singing] I’m a golden bird, the best one in this wood! I’m the prettiest, the fairest, and if anyone should, Say anything other than this in front of me, I’m sure they’d be lying, for you see, No other bird shines like the sun, So you see? I am second to none! Ah, look there! Up in that tree! There’s a golden cage just right for me! I’ll fly in right now and claim my prize, For nobody would dare deny one so regal and wise!

With feathers so bright and a beak so fine, My beauty and grace are simply divine. The other birds chirp, and they twitter away, But none can compare to my dazzling display. When I spread my wings, all others must flee, For they can't compete with a spectacle like me! I glide through the air, so graceful, so grand, While the other birds watch and try to understand.

They envy my sparkle, they covet my sheen, But none can surpass this golden queen. I dine on the finest of berries and seeds, For a bird of my stature deserves royal feeds. Oh, how they all marvel, oh, how they all cheer, Whenever my radiant presence draws near. I preen and I strut, for the forest's delight, Basking in glory from morning till night.

Yet sometimes they whisper, those birds in the trees, Jealousy tinges their voices like a cold breeze. But I pay them no heed, for I know the truth well, That I'm the enchantress of this woodland spell. So now, to my cage of gold I will soar, To rest and to dream, and to reign evermore. For a bird of my splendor deserves nothing less, Than a throne in the sky, where I can impress!

So hail to the golden bird, glorious and bright, Ruling the forest with radiant light. May all who behold me remember my name, For Zarah the splendid will ever remain!

Aaaaaaa-aaaaaaaaaa-aaaaaaaaah! Aaaaaa-aaaaaaa-aaaaaah!

Chronos: Make haste, my young seeker. She has flown into the cage! Now shut it while she’s busy preening! Don’t you dare let her song distract you from your goals! 

Hades: It took great effort, for Hassan found the golden bird’s song to be quite enchanting, and perhaps that was how she had managed not to get caught during all of her time spent in the forest. Rather than being viewed as a goddess among queens, her fortune at having a splendid voice gave her time to escape from predators and hunters that might have wanted to do her harm. 

Hephaestus: Thank you, Tempest. I don’t know what I would have done without you! I’ve got her, and I’ll be able to go back to the king and put all of this behind me!

Chronos: Oh, I don’t know about that, young master. You see, the vizier is displeased with you for having forced him to use part of his treasury to create this cage, and I’m afraid that he won’t rest until he has gotten his revenge. 

Hephaestus: Let him try! I know that you’ll be able to help me overcome any challenge that may come. 

Chronos: Ha! Though I appreciate your confidence, you must know that even I have my limits and there are others who are much more powerful than I. 

Hephaestus: Nevertheless, let us return to the king and see what fortune awaits us..

Ares: Well, if it isn’t our rebellious stranger! I see you have returned. And with the bird, no less! How wonderful! You’re a brave and clever lad.

Hades: But before the king could offer Hassan a reward, as he had intended to do, the vizier cut in with a sly smile. 

Dionysus: Your Majesty, such a golden bird must have an owner. Perhaps it is a princess of magnificent beauty. You need a queen, and wouldn’t having one so wealthy and splendid bring your kingdom great glory? 

Hades: The king, though powerful, wasn’t particularly free-thinking, which made it much easier for our vizier to sway his opinion. 

Ares: By Allah, you are right! You there! Find me the owner of this golden bird and bring that person back to me! I must meet anyone who is the master of such wealth. 

Hades: Well, Hassan wasn’t sure how he’d ever get out of such a pickle, so the moment he was dismissed, he ran out to the stable where Tempest was munching on some oats. 

Chronos: My my, you came running out here so fast you’d think a demon was chasing after you! What seems to be the matter, my good lad? 

Hephaestus: Oh! This is awful! The vizier persuaded the king to ask me to go find the owner of the golden bird! How can I do that? None but the forest owns her! I am doomed!

Chronos: You, young sir, are wrong and wrong! You see, the golden bird is actually owned by a princess a long way from here, and we will need to travel by sea if we are at all intent on bringing her to the king. And as for you being doomed … well, I won’t allow that to happen until we’ve taken down the vizier. 

Hephaestus: I hope you’re joking about me being doomed after the vizier is brought down. 

Chronos: Well now, I hope so, but you must remember that though I am a djinn horse, even I can be overpowered, so let’s hope the king doesn’t ask you to complete a quest I can’t help you complete. For this expedition, we must have a ship that is seven decks high, with each deck themed in honor of a famed legend from mythology. 

Hephaestus: What? A famed legend from mythology? Are you talking about Ali Baba and the forty thieves? 

Chronos: Yes, him and Aladdin and our dear friend, Ivan the Fool. It doesn’t matter, just so long as they are all different. We must also have a crew of 77, for such a grand ship transporting a princess of her magnitude needs to cater to her every whim. 

Hephaestus: Well, if you say so, but if this scheme gets me killed, I swear I’ll haunt you until they send you off to the butcher’s!

Chronos: You do that and I’ll turn you into a bale of hay. I’m a djinn horse, remember that!

Hades: Having regained his confidence, Hassan arrived at the king’s palace and requested an audience with the monarch. 

Hephaestus: Your Majesty, I am more than happy to bring the owner of this exquisite golden bird to you. However, transport befitting her station will be necessary if you wish for me to set out. We wouldn’t want to disgrace your kingdom by sending for a princess in a rickety dinghy that has seen better days, I’m sure. 

Ares: Speak and tell me what you require. I will not have my kingdom disgraced. 

Hephaestus: Your Majesty, a princess possessing such beauty as the owner of the golden bird will never willingly come here unless she is taken on a ship at least seven decks high, with each of these decks decorated and themed to tell the tale of a great hero from our mythology. And naturally, your Highness, I would not presume to request anything from your treasury. No, the vizier should be required to fund this expedition once more. 

Hades: The vizier felt his stomach drop before the king had a chance to open his mouth. Knowing that this would cost far more than the golden cage from the last quest, he mentally began going over the list of his remaining possessions, wondering just how much he would need to sell to build a ship of the caliber being requested, or rather, demanded. 

Ares: You there! Vizier! Be sure to have that ship completed in seven days or I shall have your head!

Dionysus: My head? But Your Majesty! How am I supposed to have a ship built in seven days? I might take that long just to gather the materials and hire the workmen!

Ares: Nonsense! It shouldn’t take that long for someone like you to have that ship built and fitted for the long journey ahead! Now stop complaining, empty your coffers, and be quick about it or I’ll make this lad my new vizier! 

Hades: Needless to say, the king’s vizier was not happy about the prospect of being replaced, and by the lad who had made him a good deal poorer than before their fateful meeting, so he gnashed his teeth but said, 

Dionysus: Very well. I shall have that ship made so that this princess can be properly welcomed. 

Hades: This was no easy task for the vizier had to sell many of his most prized possessions so that he could gather together enough money to build and decorate a ship that was seven decks high. Hassan, meanwhile, admired the work as the ship came into being. One of the decks was decorated illustriously to showcase the many adventures of Sinbad the Sailor. Another deck highlighted the harrowing tale of Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves. Still another paid tribute to the hero, Aladdin, and how he outwitted an evil magician. So it went, seven heroes, and a deck for each. The threat of losing one’s livelihood and life can motivate a person into action more effectively than empty threats can, so within seven days, the ship was completed and ready for sail. 

Dionysus: The ship is complete, Your Majesty. 

Ares: Did you use the power of ifrits to build this ship? You know what? Don’t tell me. I’d rather not know! Now you! 

Hephaestus: Yes, Your Majesty? 

Ares: Fetch me this princess – the mistress of the golden bird, for I must have her for my own! 

Hephaestus: Of course. I shall return or die in disgrace. 

Hades: And with that, Hassan set off on his long journey. 

Chronos: Now, my young master, once you arrive at the port of the princess’s country, this is what you must do. Announce that you would like to show off your ship, designed to pay homage to the heroes of old. Allow anyone and everyone to board it, without reservation. This will soon lead to her servants shirking their duties until it becomes noticeable to her. Eventually, she will come out to the port to see what’s causing such a ruckus. Once she appears, you must declare that you’ll only allow one person on the ship at a time. Bemoan the sad state of the ship and how the people have dirtied it. Once the princess is so enamored by its craftsmanship, sail off as fast as you can. She won’t notice until you’re far away from the port and in the middle of the sea. Don’t say a word to her until you arrive back in the king’s country. 

Hades: All happened just as the Djinn horse had said it would. 

Demeter: You there! Hamid! Why didn’t you have my supper ready on time? This is unacceptable! It’s not like you to be late like this. 

Pythias: Oh, well your Majesty, a ship, Allah’s Gift, has docked in the port, and it truly is a sight to behold! I’d say it was more magnificent than anything currently owned by our people. 

Demeter: What? Allah’s Gift? What arrogance is this? How could they be so bold? I wish to see this ship! Now! 

Pythias: Yes, your Majesty. Would you like an …

Demeter: No thank you! I don’t need an escort. Now get busy preparing pheasant pie! I won’t have you being late again. 

Pythias: Yes, of course. Right away, Princess. 

Hades: With a purposeful stride, the princess marched down to the port to see this ship so brazenly calling itself Allah’s Gift, determined to teach its owners a lesson. No sooner had Hassan spotted the princess in the distance then he began insisting that the people disembark. 

Hephaestus: My ship! Look at the state of this ship! It’s an outrage! You’ve sullied the decks and you haven’t even paid any admission to see it! Everybody get off. Now! We’re going to do this one at a time! One at a time!

Hades: As soon as everybody had disembarked, the princess pushed through the crowd, a look of indignation upon her face. 

Demeter: How dare you call your ship Allah’s Gift? As though any ship could be truly … 

Hades: The words died on the princess’s lips when she saw this marvel of a ship. With seven decks, each representing an iconic hero from folklore and mythology, the princess had to acknowledge that this ship was Allah’s Gift, if any could conscionably don such a mantle. 

Demeter: Oh my! This is incredible! Absolutely incredible! 

Hades: So lost was she in her admiration of the Ali Baba deck that the princess did not even realize when the ship began to move. In fact, she had become so hypnotized by the ship’s magnificence that the ship had made it halfway back to its home port before she realized she had been lured onto the ship and kidnapped. 

Demeter: Where are you taking me? Who are you? Why are you doing this? 

Hades: Hassan did not respond. After several moments of stony silence, the princess took off a gold ring which had been glittering upon her finger and tossed it into the sea. 

Hephaestus: I’m not liking this. Perhaps I should take note of where we are, just in case. 

Hades: Finally, after allowing the crew to maneuver the ship through choppy waters, they arrived back at the kingdom where the king was waiting. With indignation, the princess disembarked from the ship and marched towards this unfamiliar city’s great palace. 

Hephaestus: Don’t you want to travel by chariot, your Highness? 

Demeter: Your Highness? I’ve been trying to ask you questions and get information all this time, and now you deign to call me Your Highness? Cut the smooth-talking claptrap and tell me why I’m here and under whose orders you took me from my own lands!

Hephaestus: Well, at least she doesn’t think I actually did this of my own volition. 

Hades: Hassan thought, wryly. 

Hephaestus: If you must know, while seeking my fortune, I found a golden feather which I picked up and when I came to this kingdom, the feather shone so brightly that the king of this land thought that I was breaking his rule of no light after sunset. His vizier, that wily weasel, sent me on a quest to find the bird from whom that feather had fallen. Much to his dismay, I found her and brought her to the king. 

Demeter: Oh! So that’s where my Zarah has gone! I wondered why she had not been gracing the world with her song. Go on. 

Hephaestus: Well of course after bringing Zarah, is it? Well, after bringing Zarah to the king, that vizier decided to have me bring back the owner of the golden bird, reasoning that a bird of such magnificence could only belong to someone who was unparalleled in beauty. 

Demeter: I see. So then you were forced to come for me. Hmmm. 

Hephaestus: Yes, unfortunately, but at least the vizier’s been forced to empty his own personal treasury in order to send me on this quest. 

Demeter: Has the vizier emptied every last penny he owns? 

Hephaestus: I … well, I can’t rightly say, to be honest.

Demeter: Well, since he has turned our lives upside down, I have a right mind to ensure he goes up in flames! 

Hades: Once Hassan brought the princess into the throneroom, the king said, 

Ares: Ah, so you’re the owner of the golden bird. You are most welcome in my kingdom. 

Demeter: Welcome in your kingdom? After you used trickery to take me onto your ship? I wouldn’t stay here if you paid me!

Hades: And before anyone could react, the princess raced through the palace, commandeered one of the bedchambers, and barred the door so that no one might enter. 

Ares: But Princess! You can’t stay there forever! 

Demeter: I won’t come out until your servant retrieves the ring I tossed into the sea on my way here!

Ares: You there! Do as the princess says and go retrieve the ring she lost at sea! Really, you should have noticed its absence and unearthed it well before you returned to me! 

Hades: Fear gripped Hassan’s heart, however, he wasn’t about to show it, particularly not in front of the vizier, who was smirking as he believed that this troublemaker who had forced him to sell off much of his treasure, had finally been sentenced to death. 

Hephaestus: Very well. I shall go and see what can be done to locate and bring back that ring.

Ares: See that you do! I’ll give you three days and a third to do this task. Fail and I shall have your head!

Chronos: Not exactly the paragon of hospitality, is he? 

Hades: Tempest said drily 

Hephaestus: Is this possible or not? 

Chronos: Luckily for you, this is quite an easy task. Here is what you must do. Sail back out towards the princess’s country with fifty sacks of flour on-board. Once you reach the midpoint between this kingdom and hers, you must empty every sack of flour into the sea. The fish will converge upon the flour and begin devouring it. When all the flour has been eaten, the leader of the fish folk will swim up to the ship and ask how they may repay you. Request that they help recover the ring that was lost. 

Hades: All happened as the Djinn horse had predicted. No sooner had the sacks of flour been tossed into the sea then schools upon schools of fish began to converge upon the flour, devouring it as though they hadn’t had food in days. At long last, after all of the flour had been eaten, the queen of the fish rose up to the surface.

 Athena: Who has provided us with such food? We shall gladly repay your kindness if there is some way in which we may be of assistance.

Hephaestus: I have, Your Highness, and actually, there is one way you may be of assistance. You see, the princess of the nearby country tossed her gold ring into the sea and I must recover it for her. If I cannot, then I shall be executed by the king.

Athena: Don’t worry, kind sir. We shall find that ring, for we would never allow our benefactor to be treated in such an unjust way. 

Hades: With a splash, the fish returned to her people with a graceful dive into the sea, and the search for the ring commenced. Though it felt like an hour, it was only about ten minutes later that the fish returned with a gold ring gleaming in her mouth.

 Athena: Is this the ring? 

Hephaestus: Oh, yes! That is the one. Thank you so much for retrieving it. You have been incredibly kind. 

Hades: In the nick of time, Hassan arrived at the palace and  gave the ring to the king.

Hephaestus: Now, your Majesty, may I go? I have done all that you have asked.

Ares: Well now, that depends on whether our princess plans to cooperate. M’lady, now that we have your ring, will you come out? 

Hades: The king asked as he tried to open the door to the commandeered chamber.

Demeter: Absolutely not! I want my horse. You must bring me back my horse!

Ares: Ugh! You there, boy! You heard what she said! Bring back the princess’s horse! You have three days and a third to escort it back to this palace. If you fail …

Hephaestus: Yes yes, I know. You’ll have the executioner take my head. Don’t remind me. 

Hades: With a sigh of resignation, Hassan went back to the stable where Tempest was currently munching on hay. 

Chronos: What do you think of that golden feather, now? Do you regret having decided to pick it up? 

Hephaestus: Spare me! Are you going to help me or not? 

Chronos: Temper, temper! The king must be rubbing off on you. Very well, I shall tell you what to do, but the princess’s horse and I are mortal enemies, and I am no match for its immense power. What you must do is to craft a golden bridle which features intricate designs depicting the treasures of the earth. As ever, have the king’s vizier provide the funds for it. 

Hephaestus: Thank you. I am truly grateful for your help. Mother was good to send me with you.

Hades: And so, Hassan went back to the king, head held high and heart filled with determination. 

Hephaestus: Your Majesty, it would be my honor to escort the princess’s beloved horse to your kingdom, however, I shall require some cooperation from you. This horse will only yield to me if I have a golden bridle inscribed with depictions of the earth’s treasures. Naturally, I wouldn’t want you to have to bear this expense. 

Ares: Naturally! You there! Vizier!

Hades: By this time, the vizier had sold just about everything he had, and was quaking in his boots, because he already knew what would come next.

Dionysus: Yes, your Majesty? 

Ares: You heard the boy! Ensure that you sell your treasure and create a golden bridle which exceeds all expectations! 

Dionysus: But … 

Ares: Leave your excuses at the door! If you can’t create the bridle, then you can consider yourself without a job!

Dionysus: Yes, your Majesty. I shall have that bridle made for you, straight away.

Hades: Once the bridle had been crafted, Hassan took it and sailed out to the princess’s country once more. The horse was quite intimidating, bucking and neighing, pawing and snorting. No sooner had the bridle been put on the horse, however, then it calmed and became docile enough to lead back onto the ship and to the king’s country. Knowing that it was important to keep this horse from seeing Tempest, Hassan didn’t even stop by the stable to greet Tempest. 

Hephaestus: Well, your Majesty, I have arrived with the princess’s horse. May I finally be dismissed? 

Ares: Let’s see. Princess, come out here. We have brought you your horse. 

Hades: Before anybody could react, the princess took a sword and felled the horse with one stroke. 

Demeter: Now, if you please, I’d like you to bring my horse back from the dead, for only one with that much power is worthy of my time!

Ares: You! Bring that horse back to life. Now!

Hephaestus: Me? But there’s no way to bring a horse, or any other creature, for that matter, back from the dead! Not unless I was a necromancer, which I am not, thank you very much!

Ares: Nonsense! If you do not do this, then I’ll chop off your head! 

Hades: With triumphant glee, the vizier grinned maliciously at Hassan because he knew that if this man were a necromancer, he would be killed for practicing black magic, and the king would kill him if he failed to perform the task. In other words, he had fallen straight into a catch-22 situation from which there appeared to be no way to escape.

Without saying a word, Hassan left the palace and headed straight for the stable. 

Hephaestus: We need to get out now, and never come back. We’re doomed. Or at the very least, I am.

Chronos: What’s the matter? 

Hephaestus: Never mind that! We need to go. Now!

Chronos: Surely anything you’ve been tasked to do is possible, even if it is going to take a bit of cunning and magic. 

Hephaestus: Not this time. This time, I’ll be killed, no matter what I do. Let’s just leave before it’s too late. 

Chronos: Please, just tell me what the task is. At the very least. 

Hephaestus: The king wants me to bring the princess’s horse back to life. If I do it, I’ll be considered a necromancer and executed for practicing the dark arts. If I fail, then I’ll be seen as having failed the task and I’ll be killed. 

Chronos: Oh boy! I never saw this one coming! I must admit I thought this ordeal would be over by now. 

Hephaestus: See? Now that you know what I must do, may we leave? Please? This is my life we’re talking about here! 

Chronos: Yes, but all is not lost. You see, the vizier is at the root of all of our problems, and so, difficult as this has become, we must see the whole thing through until we are rid of him completely! 

Hephaestus: Do you mean to tell me that we must murder him? 

Chronos: No, of course not! However, we must allow him to have enough rope so that he orchestrates his own undoing. 

Hephaestus: Though this sounds quite dangerous, you haven’t led me astray so far, so I shall trust you, Tempest. May Allah be with us whilst we go on what I hope is our final journey. 

Chronos: Before we leave, we must request one final thing from the king. 

Hephaestus: Really? And what might that be? I fear that the vizier will have me executed if I ask for anything more. 

Hades: At this, Tempest’s lips pulled back to reveal a horsey-toothed smile. 

Chronos: You speak truer than you know, but whatever happens, I will be here to help you pick up the pieces. Now, return to the king’s palace and ask the vizier to make a golden pail. Then, we shall set off to collect the water of life. 

Hades: Needless to say, the vizier was less-than thrilled to see his nemesis return to the king’s palace. 

Ares: I take it that you are in need of something in order to perform your resurrection ritual? 

Hephaestus: Yes, Your Majesty. You see, the resurrection will require that I collect water from a faraway lake, and the only receptacle that will suffice is a golden pail. Please have our good friend, your vizier, provide me with such a pail before I embark upon this most important journey.

Ares: You there! 

Hades: The king said as he turned to his vizier. By this point, he was ready to snuff out Hassan’s life with his own two hands. His treasury had dwindled to the point that the creation of the golden pail would leave him penniless. His wife’s father, finding out what had happened, had demanded the return of both her dowry and his daughter, leaving him in further disgrace. However, the vizier simply smiled and replied, 

Dionysus: Of course, Your Majesty. It will be as you command. 

Chronos: Now, 

Hades: Tempest began once Hassan had received the golden pail.

Chronos: Once we fetch the water of life in the golden pail, we will be high up in the mountains. As a result, I will move as though drunk due to the lack of oxygen up there. To save both you and I from death, you must dip a cloth into the pail and splash my face with it. 

Hades: Unfortunately for Hassan, the thinner air up in the mountains led to his own muddled thinking. So happy was he to have fetched the water that he plum forgot all about splashing any upon Tempest’s face and they wove from side to side, so much so that Hassan nearly plummeted to his death. However, by a sheer stroke of luck, several drops of water fell upon Tempest’s face, quickly bringing him to his senses. 

Chronos: Didn’t I tell you to splash my face with the water of life? You nearly got us both killed, I’ll have you know!

Hephaestus: I’m sorry. I …

Chronos: Never mind! We’re safe now. Let’s go and teach this vizier a lesson, once and for all. 

Hades: Before Hassan had time to react, Tempest streaked across the sky and landed back at the palace. To be more precise, he landed where the corpse of the princess’s dead horse lay, with buzzards circling over what remained. 

Hephaestus: Can we really bring that … that thing … back to life? 

Chronos: Yes, and don’t worry. It won’t become an undead creature or anything like that. Just sprinkle a few drops of the water of life upon the horse and you’ll see, but give me a chance to hide first. I don’t think I need to remind you that that horse is my sworn enemy.  

Hades: As soon as Tempest had a chance to return to the stables, Hassan poured the water of life over the princess’s horse’s body. No sooner had the water been poured upon the lifeless horse’s body then it leapt up, as healthy as a … well … horse! 

Dionysus: Did you see that, Your Majesty? This man is clearly embroiled in dark magic! He must be burned at the stake, and without delay!

Hades: As wood was being brought forth to the city’s center for the public burning, the young man felt the iron grip of terror. 

Hephaestus: Well, the vizier has gotten his wish. I will soon be with Allah, but I suppose that I can take heart in knowing that he will have to live a life without a single penny to his name. 

Chronos: Take heart, Hassan. All is not lost. Wash yourself with this water. Quickly!

Hephaestus: Just promise me this is the last harrowing experience I’ll have before I can finally have a happily ever after. 

Chronos: Never mind that! Just listen to me and wash yourself before the guards seize you. Save some water, just in case. 

Hephaestus: Just in case? I am not liking the sound of that!

Chronos: Hush now! More washing, less talking!

Hades: No sooner had Hassan finished his wash then the guards surrounded the young lad and dragged him off to the blazing inferno that was to be his doom. 

Dionysus: At long last, the thorn in my side has been plucked! Hassan, that meddlesome youth, thought he could outwit me? Ha! His clever tricks and fortunate escapes are finished. With him out of the way, there's no one left to challenge my influence over the king. The treasures of the kingdom will once again flow into my coffers, and my power will be absolute! The court shall bow to me, the true architect behind the throne. Ah, the taste of victory is sweet indeed. Mwahahaha!

Hephaestus: [As the fire blazes] 

[Verse 1] 

Oh Tempest, my friend, I mistrusted you, 

Thought your wisdom and magic would never hold true. 

Our journey of peril, with love you did steer, 

And now in this moment, I let go of my fear.

[Chorus]

Let the flames of misfortune bow down to me,

With your strength as my guide, I am finally free.

No chains on my soul, no shadows remain,

Through trust in the fire, I rise once again.

[Verse 2]

Through forests I wandered, through kingdoms I roamed,

Each step full of doubt, though your heart was my home.

The fears that I carried, the weight of my pride,

Consumed by the fire, no longer inside.

[Chorus]

Let the flames of misfortune bow down to me,

With your strength as my guide, I am finally free.

No chains on my soul, no shadows remain,

Through trust in the fire, I rise once again.

[Bridge] 

Oh Allah, my guide, forgive my despair,

                                    For in doubt and in pride, I strayed from your care.

In this trial of fire, I see your grand plan,

Through the trust you have placed in the heart of a man.

Oh Allah, my guide, through the fire you speak,

In the stride of my friend, in the humble, the meek.

Tempest, his wisdom was no mortal guise,

A light of your will, a gift in disguise.

[Final Chorus] 

Let the flames of misfortune bow down to me,

Through trust in the fire, I am finally free.

No shadows remain, no chains hold me tight,

Through trust in the fire, I walk in your light.

[Outro] 

Oh Tempest, my friend, my heart’s guiding star,

Through the trials we faced, you’ve led me this far.

In your stride, I see the divine will unfold,

A bond forged in fire, more precious than gold.

Hades: However, when the young lad was tied to the stake and the fire began to blaze, all he felt was the warmth of the fire caressing him as though he was standing out in the sunshine. 

Ares: What is this? 

Hades: The king asked in alarm. 

Ares: Is he a dark magician practicing black magic?

Demeter: No, Your Majesty! This is what happens when you try to burn one who has been blessed by Allah himself! 

Hades: The princess’s voice rang out loud and clear, stunning everyone into silence. 

Demeter: This man did nothing wrong! Indeed, he brought you everything you asked for and without complaint! You should feel fortunate that Allah hasn’t struck you down by now!

Ares: By the grace of Allah, you are right! What must I do to atone for my transgression? 

Demeter: It is this rogue, who calls himself your vizier, who must pay! Give him his due and oust him from your kingdom before he can cause you any more harm!

Hades: Without further ado, the vizier was tied to a stake, his protests falling upon deaf ears, and was burned to a crisp. Once that wicked man was no more, the king fell upon his knees to seek forgiveness from Hassan.

Ares: The princess is right, and I was a fool. My vizier’s honeyed words blinded me to the cruelty I was inflicting upon you. Your only “crime”, if we can call it that, was possessing a golden feather which cast its light in your caravansary room when I ordered that all lights needed to be turned off, but how can a golden feather be considered you going against my order? Please tell me, Hassan, from which kingdom do you come, my boy? 

Hades: No sooner had the young man named his home kingdom when the king’s face lit up with delight. 

Ares: What’s this? You are my brother’s son? I haven’t seen him in years! Let us go to him and tell him about all of your adventures. And please, keep the princess, the golden bird, and her golden horse as your own. 

Hephaestus: Only if the princess is willing, Your Majesty. I took her from her kingdom, and it is only right that she, her golden bird, and golden horse have agency to return from whence they came. 

Demeter: I choose to see your homeland, Hassan, for I have seen in you a prince who has been pure of heart and filled with determination. 

Hades: Together, they all traveled back to Hassan’s homeland. When Hassan’s father saw a huge cavalry approaching, he thought his kingdom was coming under attack. Fearing for his life, he sent out a scout who soon returned with Hassan, the princess, the neighboring king, and his army. 

Ares: Brother, it’s wonderful to see you again! Your son has become a hero in my kingdom, for he helped to uncover the wickedness of my corrupt vizier. 

Poseidon: Is that a fact? Now that’s what I call working as hard as I did. Harder, in fact. Therefore, Hassan, it is to you I shall bestow my kingdom. 

Hades: With that, Hassan and the princess married and lived happily together, ruling with fairness and wisdom. As for their horses, they overcame their differences and coexisted peacefully, though they did sometimes spar for old time’s sake. And as for Zarah, she was allowed to roam the forest and sing to her heart’s content. 

Dionysus: Bravo! That was quite the story!

Hades: We hope you found it worth the wait. The next stop on our journey will be Spain, where we’ll meet the Wounded Lion. 

Dionysus: Good night. 

Hermes: Good night. Stay curious.