Fireside Folklore with Hades
Once upon a time, gods and goddesses walked among us, granting their favor to heroes and creating sea monsters because … well, because they could. After one too many festivals was ruined by a vengeful Poseidon who thought the sacrifice of fish upon his altar wasn’t flaky enough, a hero bravely constructed a wall so thick and impenetrable that not even the most industrious of gods could breach it.
Fast forward to 2023 when, as part of a wager, Hades decided to leverage one hapless mortal’s brief misguided love of AI technology to convince her to create this podcast—a place where the gods, with their instinctively chosen voices, could recapture the ears, if not the hearts and minds, of people everywhere.
Here, you’ll find gods and goddesses playfully peddling products like Ambrosia Bites—guaranteed to keep you going on all of life’s treacherous journeys—and recounting folklore from around the world. From the spooky legend of Devil’s Pool in Australia to the whimsical and obscure folktale of a clever Sheikh in Yemen, you’ll find a treasure trove of folklore, both ancient and modern, traditional and twisted, on this podcast.
Hades, with his deep and somber basso profundo, narrates, while his madcap family lends their voices to the characters. In addition to the tale, each “regular” episode includes fun facts from Hermes, the psychopomp, who will share culturally significant information about each country or region visited. Persephone or Dionysus (depending on the season) will also share a recipe for something delicious to eat or drink, bringing the country’s delights straight to your dinner table. And finally, Zeus, the king of the gods, offers his Lightning Round, where you, our audience, can win a prize if you can answer correctly—no easy task when you must sift through the cacophony of these heartwarming and whimsical gods.
In the beginning, this podcast posted a story each week like clockwork, but after Hades realized that AI ghostwriters were killing the fun (and frights) out of the stories, he decreed that all future stories would be human-written. Though our earlier work is here for history’s sake, we may go back and redo them, for Hades, that unrelenting taskmaster, has both patience and time on his side.
In addition to the regular episodes, you’ll find hijinks from the rest of the family, and even some visits from the Roman pantheon, too. To put it simply: there will never be a dull moment here in this corner of Hades’s Underworld.
A labor of love, this podcast is a way to share the world’s stories, enjoy a few laughs, and chronicle one creative writer’s journey as she was initially bewitched by AI and reunited with her creative soul.
Please note that all “sponsorships” read by Zeus are completely fictional. This podcast, like storytelling by the fireside, will forever remain free from all monetization.
Fireside Folklore with Hades
Selling the Underworld, Part II
Send over your dead SMS messages.
Greetings, listeners! In this installment of our satirical skit, Mr. President stands outside of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, waiting for Aidoneus to pick him up in that promised chariot. Of course, Mr. President isn't thrilled about the prospect of having to dine on a platter of pomegranates, but buying a ready-made realm with a multitude of subjects eager to bow to him makes it all the more worth it.
As ever, any feedback may be sent to me at Hades@firesidefolklorewithhades.com.
If you'd like to download the song, "I'm Such a Genius", you may do so here.
https://www.jammable.com/conversion/jam-yLS7R1Od
Disclaimer From the Lord of the Dead
This episode is a work of satire, deliberate as ritual, and grim as prophecy. No events depicted herein are factual—though truth often chooses to wear a mask when it walks among the living.
It is forged in the long and hallowed tradition of folklore: that ancient mortal craft of cloaking truths in tales, mocking kings through riddles, and laughing at monsters to rob them of power. Just as mortals once whispered of tyrants as toads and foxes in the safety of hearth-lit tales, so too do we now cloak modern hubris in mythic absurdity. The Underworld is not for sale, nor would I entrust its keys to a man who cannot distinguish a coin for Charon from a coin for Musk.
This performance is an exercise of protected speech, under the First Amendment of the United States Constitution—a right mortals too often squander until the silence is all that remains. To fear satire is to fear reflection, and the dead do not flinch from mirrors.
“Ἐν τοῖς σκιώδεσι, ἡ ἀλήθεια ψιθυρίζει.”
“In the shadows, truth whispers.”
Listen well. Laugh deeply. And remember: not all jokes are harmless… but the ones that bite are often the ones you needed to hear.
— Hades,
King of the Dead, Keeper of Oaths,
and Guardian of Folklore’s Flame
Mr. President: Okay folks, here I am! Waiting outside of the White House for this Aidoneus to bring his chariot so I can finally see this realm he wants to sell to me.
Now, the truth is, I think this guy is a few Big Macs short of a Happy Meal. If he had enough French fries to fill a bucket, he wouldn't be promising to transport me in a chariot, or greet me with a platter of pomegranates. And I think that is going to help me come out on top! Yes, folks. That is going to mean Americans gain more land, even if we can't turn Canada into the 51st state. After all, this guy claims he is a king and has a whole realm of people just waiting to bow down to a new leader -- a leader who actually allows in things like the Golden Arches and golf courses! Imagine that! A leader who brings his people into the 21st century!
He obviously has no concept of time! I've already been waiting for some 25 seconds. If he was my employee, I would've fired him a long time ago! But since he's going to sell me a realm, I'm gonna have to seem patient until we've struck a deal.
So, while I wait for this chariot to come pick me up, let's sing ... something about my genius, obviously.
(Lyrics to I'm Such a Genius)
[verse 1]
They call me the master,
They call me the king,
And throughout the world,
My name, they all sing!
That’s why he called me,
Desperate to retire,
Selling his kingdom,
That was his desire.
[chorus]
Why wouldn’t he sell?
Why wouldn’t he fold?
He’s using a playbook,
So terribly old,
That he thinks taxes should be paid,
And billionaires should be left to fail.
His people are ready,
For a new leader to obey,
They’ll call my coronation,
Liberation Day!
[verse 2]
I stand here and wait,
Like a common man,
For an old chariot,
Instead of a golden caravan.
But he’ll soon see,
Who’s running the show,
When I offer him pennies,
And he’s happy to go.
[chorus]
Why wouldn’t he sell?
Why wouldn’t he fold?
He’s using a playbook,
So terribly old,
That he thinks taxes should be paid,
And billionaires should be left to fail.
His people are ready,
For a new leader to obey,
They’ll call my coronation,
Liberation Day!
[Bridge]
I’m such a genius,
Can’t the world see?
They’ll all be bowing,
In reverence to me.
After buying this realm,
I’ll take down the rest,
Because making great deals,
Is my lifelong quest.
[chorus]
Why wouldn’t he sell?
Why wouldn’t he fold?
He’s using a playbook,
So terribly old,
That he thinks taxes should be paid,
And billionaires should be left to fail.
His people are ready,
For a new leader to obey,
They’ll call my coronation,
Liberation Day!
Yes, they’ll call my coronation,
Liberation Day!
